


So Long And Lost

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Werewolves are still a thing, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feral!Derek, Loneliness, M/M, Magic!Stiles, hermit stiles, vague details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5243090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I'm missing me...</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Stiles has lived completely alone for so long now that he almost has forgotten what being with someone else feels like, and then he meets a feral werewolf in the woods, well... "meets" is a choice word... he frees him from a trap but still, and Stiles watches him, sees his feelings transition through anger and curiosity and pain.. so much pain.. and he wonders a little bit if healing this man might just heal himself a little bit too</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Long And Lost

**Author's Note:**

> _One day I WILL write a proper feral!Derek fic_
> 
>  
> 
> Today is not that day
> 
> And yes I know that the lyrics for Long & Lost are "Are you missing me?" and not "I'm missing me" but for the longest time I thought they were the latter and it fits so much better with this fic so...

Stiles was alone

He had been alone for a long time now and he was ok with that

(He would never be ok with that)

It was natural, it was life, he was used to it

(It wasn't natural, it made no sense, he would never, ever get used to it)

He liked the secludeness of his cabin and it felt good to be on his own

(There was no worse feeling in the world than being on his own)

There was nothing he could do about it anyway

So he made peace with it

(He would never be at peace with it)

And he got used to the mornings, waking up and walking out into the woods

There were some naturally growing herbs in a special patch not too far from the cabin and he spent the mornings picking the best ones to use

He used them for cooking sometimes, but more often he used them in medicines and potions, wich he sold out of the house

He had an online store that could only be found by the right people with the right connections but most of his clients were locals who just switched over to him after the druid who had been here before went out of business and that left Stiles the only magical practitioner in the area

It was... well... it was alright

It wasn't like he dreamed about it as a kid or spent years in college waiting for a slip of papper telling him he was legally allowed to do it or anything like that

He was good at it, it made plenty of money for him to sustain himself and entertain himself, so ... there was nothing wrong with it

He thought sometimes about getting a dog or a cat

But he had never been that much a fan of cats after Mrs. Miller's cat Octavia scratched him hard enough that he had to get stitches when he was eight and dogs...

He could have a dog

He wanted a dog

He just had to be so, so carefull

He had to be so, SO carefull about not letting him out on his own

Or Stiles might never see him again, just like he had never seen- ...

It didn't matter

He was looking for herbs now

He'd go online and search for the perfect dog again later

As he was approaching the patch of herbs, he paused, hearing a low growling sound

Narrowing his eyes, he took his weed clippers from his pocket and held them carefully in front of himself, just in case

The growling got louder and then snarling started in on it, but Stiles noticed that it wasn't getting any closer

And really, he had never had any sense of self-preservation, so he swallowed and took a few more steps, getting closer and closer as the sound grew louder and louder

Taking a breath, he glanced out from behind a tree, and felt his heart leap into his throat

It was a man

Or, to be more accurate, a wolf-man

A werewolf

He was half-shifted, his teeth bared and his claws out, but the rest of him mostly human, as he scrambled around and tried to get away from... something....

Taking another step, he was able to see a massive, metal bear trap clamped tightly around the werewolf's ankle, wich was torn open and pouring blood as he struggled to get it off

Struggled... he didn't just reach down and try to pry it open.. he was growling and slashing at it, yanking his foot and screeching in agony...

Stiles never had any sense of self-preservation, wich was why he took a few more steps until he had the werewolf's attention focused solely on him

The growling and snarling was loud and angry and hurt and Stiles took a breath as he put the clippers back in his pocket and held both hands in front of him as a sign of surrender

"It's ok, it's ok... shh... I'm here to help..."

The werewolf only growled louder, lunging closer and snapping his teeth in Stiles' face

Stiles didn't flinch, he had plenty of experience with werewolves, at their best and at their worst, they didn't scare him anymore

"God... what the hell man? I'm trying to help you," he frowned, reaching out and starting to jiggle the trap, making the werewolf yelp and back down, although the snarling was certainly louder

"Hang on, hang on... it's really on here tightly..." he grumbled, pulling his hands back so he could get a better grip

But as soon as he did, he noticed something

A familiar scent on his hands...

Holding them up, he inhaled the scent again, biting his lip

An oil mixture of Wolfsbane and Witch Hazel, an old hunter trick to force shifted werewolves to shift back into their half-states

It only took a second for the peices to all add up and Stiles leaned back in realization

The werewolf was feral....

He had been living as a feral wolf for... God... considering how filthy and scraped up he looked... months atleast... and this trap had forced him to shift back

His heart sunk and he took a deep breath as he tried to clear his mind

Force-shifting was one of the most terrible, painfull things that could happen to a werewolf, and this one had already been living on the other side of humanity...

"Hang on buddy, I'm going to get you out of there," Stiles promised quietly, moving closer and starting to work at the trap again

The werewolf wasn't having any of it though and snarled louder, swiping his claws at Stiles until the witch was forced to move back

"I'm not going to let hunters get you, they've taken enough as it is!" he huffed, climbing to his feet and sighing as he scrubbed his hands off on his pants

This did little to calm the werewolf's frantic state and Stiles took a breath, wondering what had become of his life, before heading back to the cabin as quickly as he could

He returned a few moments later with a pouch of sleeping herbs and some weakening oil, hoping this would help him spring the werewolf from the trap

Swallowing, he sat down again on the forest floor in front of the other, opening the pouch and holding it under his nose

The werewolf snarled and growled louder, struggling and fighting as his eyes started to droop and sleep overcame him

The second he was out Stiles poured the oil over the trap and started fighting with it again, the weakening oil forcing the trap to lose it's bite as he finally sprung it open

Sighing to himself, he stuffed the pouch and bottle of herbs into his hoodie pockets and dismantled the trap, stuffing it in a bag to throw out later before staring down at the werewolf again

The oil would wear off eventually and he could shift again, going back to his wolfy state

....

Or

...

Stiles could put off getting a dog for another few weeks and do something with his life

Deciding on the latter, he reached out and picked up the werewolf, grunting as he struggled to hold him up and carrying him home with a wobble in his step

 

**~+~**

 

He decided to name the werewolf Buddy, until the guy could learn to speak for himself again

Partly because that was what he had already been calling him, and partly because Elf was on when he got home and turned the TV on

The herbs would stay in effect for a few more hours so Stiles took it upon himself to clean Buddy up

He ended up having to run three baths to finally get all of the dirt, grime, and blood off of him, and Buddy's hair, wich was jet black even under the filth and down to the nape of his neck, couldn't be spared

He cut it down to a reasonable length just below his skull and trimmed the top to get rid of any dirt that just wouldn't come out and he was pleased and relieved to say that Buddy actually didn't look half-bad

With a deep breath, he went upon the next step of getting him dressed and pulled a pair of boxers and sweat pants onto the werewolf

He was lucky they were the same height but Buddy was quite a bit larger than Stiles was so they barely fit and Stiles decided for both their sakes to go forego a shirt right now

When the werewolf woke up it was decidedly less chaos than Stiles expected

There was no running, no charging, no pinning Stiles against a wall and trying to eat his soul....

He just scurried to the nearest corner and growled and snarled as he tucked himself into the tightest ball he could form

And somehow that... was so much worse.....

Buddy didn't seem to even think about trying to get away or attack Stiles, he was just trying to defend himself by stuffing himself into a corner and growling uselessly

It broke Stiles' heart a little bit more and the witch didn't hesitate to bring food up for the werewolf

Buddy went through three steaks and two bowls of vegetables- because werewolf or not living on nothing but meat just wasn't good for you- before passing out on the floor, in the same corner he had claimed to begin with

Stiles wasn't stupid enough to try to move him, so he brought a spare pillow and blanket out of the closet, slipping the pillow under Buddy's head and draping the blanket over his shivering form

He was well and truly out of it considering that his extra high alert werewolf senses didn't bother to wake him up for all of the movement and attention Stiles was paying him

Either his cooking really was just THAT good, or Buddy hadn't slept in so long that his body just couldn't take it anymore and gave up trying as soon as soon as his stomach stopped growling

Stiles knew it wasn't the former

 

**~+~**

 

Buddy slept straight through the next day without so much as twitching

Stiles tried to keep himself busy by werewolf-proofing the house, enchanting the windows not to break, putting an extra coat of sealant on the floors so they wouldn't be scratched up, making sure every door was locked and double locked and couldn't be broken through

Just the usual measures for keeping a feral werewolf in your house in the middle of the woods

 

**~+~**

 

Buddy woke up in the afternoon of his second (third?) day decidedly more human than before

His features were human and although he glared and still growled whenever Stiles was too close he atleast wasn't snarling and struggling anymore and he didn't growl continuously

It was progress

He still didn't move from his corner wile Stiles was around but Stiles could hear movement upstairs wile he was cooking so he knew he had to be exploring up there

He never tried to escape, not even once

 

**~+~**

 

It was another three days before Buddy allowed Stiles to get near him without making any sort of fuss and another two days before he moved from his corner in Stiles' presence

When he finally did it was so slow and tentative that it was like watching a sloth move across the floor

But Stiles was patient, for once in his life, he didn't push

And two days after that Buddy was on two legs again, following Stiles around like it was the new fad

Stiles didn't protest and even kind of enjoyed the attention- unless it involved the bathroom, then Buddy had to learn a very hard and fast lesson about what a door is and that no, growling at it isn't going to make it move-

He was trying to teach the werewolf to eat with silverware again and it wasn't actually going as horribly as he expected, he seemed to understand the concept of stabbing things with a fork even though there was no grace to it

Stabbing things with a spoon, on the other hand, did not work

Two weeks after Stiles brought Buddy home they had formed some strange sort of bond

He was still more wolf than man but he had gone from being a wolf to being more like a dog

He followed Stiles relentlessly and seemed to respond well to praise, he laid on the couch and watched TV with him- although Stiles was pretty much certain that it was a coincidence that Buddy's head was turned towards the TV when they laid on the couch, he wasn't too convinced that he was actually aware of the concept of TV yet- and he even slept in Stiles' bed

That one had been an experience when it first started but it wasn't a bad thing, it was actually nice to have the company

He locked Buddy in the bedroom the first time he had a client come over, two and a half weeks after the werewolf had taken up residency there, and he had howled so much that the client was positive Stiles had a very big, very attached dog

Incidentally, Buddy seemed to understand scolding immediately, the very second Stiles opened the door and glared at him he had looked like someone just shot his best freind and it took less than a full sentence of harsh words for Buddy to banish himself to the corner for three hours

Stiles apologized with ice cream and was impressed to see that Buddy half-way understood spoons now, he was still stabbing with them but he atleast got the idea of scooping by this point

 

**~+~**

 

Five weeks after Stiles rescued him, Buddy understood silverware entirely- huzzah!

He was making pretty great progress overall

He seemed to understand what Stiles was saying atleast most of the time now and didn't follow him as religiously as he did in the early days

He could use doors and stared out the window on a regular basis

He wore one of Stiles' old, worn out shirts that was actually big enough to fit him and he watched TV like he actually understood it

He picked out books for Stiles to read to him and was absolutely entranced by music

He didn't make noise when clients were over and Stiles could actually let him stay upstairs without locking him in anymore

He even tried letting the werewolf outside once, standing in front of the door with it open, waiting, knowing if he had to he could always chase him down and spell him

But there was no need

Buddy stuck his head outside, sniffed, and promptly turned back around and went back to the living room, sitting patiently on the couch and waiting for Stiles

He thought it was a little strange but then again maybe not, it had been pretty obvious early on that Buddy's experience in the wild hadn't been a good one, maybe he remembered and related all the good things in life to Stiles and the cabin and he was afraid of returning

Or maybe it's just because the cabin was warm and smelled like food and the outside was cold and smelled like rain

 

**~+~**

 

Six weeks into having a previously feral werewolf Stiles decided to take Buddy shopping

He had been leaving him home whenever he left before but he was acting so human now that maybe a little social interaction would do him well

It took a little prompting and alot of hand-holding for Stiles to get Buddy outside but once he was out there he apparently decided it wasn't so bad and walked to the car in step with Stiles, crawling in like he knew how and letting Stiles buckle his seatbelt for him

Stiles sort of wished he could talk, but atleast he was attempting communication at this point

The trip to the store was pleasantly uneventfull

Although there was alot of sniffing and wide-eyed exploring going on, Buddy didn't create any incidents and they only recieved a few strange looks

Stiles even managed to convince the werewolf to pick out a few things for himself although that took a little work

It wasn't until AFTER the store that something happened...

"Ah crap, ofcourse it's raining..." Stiles grumbled as he opened the car door, getting out and getting an umbrella from the back

Buddy watched him in what seemed like confusion before pushing on his door, a little, finally managing to find the handle and reaching out

"Um, no no," Stiles mumbled, rushing back to him and unbuckling his seatbelt before helping him out of the car

Buddy stared at the umbrella for a moment before walking back towards the house, only to have Stiles grab his sleeve and pull him back

He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the umbrella again as Stiles held it out for him, even though it meant getting a little wet himself

The werewolf was still, making Stiles frown as he carefully nudged him back into the cabin

For twenty minutes he sat in the floor, watching Stiles come in and out of the rain with the bags from the car

When he shut the door and shook off the umbrella, that's when it started

A tear rolled down the werewolf's cheek

Then another

Then another

And then the screaming started

 

**~+~**

 

For hours the werewolf screamed and sobbed, he gripped at his head and shook terribly

He writhed on the floor as if he were being electrocuted and nothing calmed him down

Stiles tried so hard to help calm him but nothing was helping

The screaming was horrendous and like nothing he could have ever imagined

And it went on, and on, and on

Finally, a few hours after it began, when he was too exhausted to possibly cry anymore, the werewolf laid on the floor and stared blankly across the room, sniffling and shuddering

And his wretched, wrecked voice finally said the first words Stiles had ever heard him say

"Hurts..." he gasped, curling on himself tighter

"It.... hurts....."

 

**~+~**

 

The break down seemed to be a breakthrough for Buddy, over the next few days it seemed like he was remembering more and more about how to be human

But there was something wrong, something unsettling about it all

His silence no longer seemed to be just a lack of voice, it seemed to be a choice now, as he didn't speak or make any sound at all after that day

He had moments where he stares blankly at a wall or a door for what felt like hours without so much as moving his head

He could do most of the same things humans do at this point but he still had moments where he would sit in the corner and curl into himself like he did when Stiles first brought him in

He would get up and walk away for seemingly no reason at random intervals though the day and lock himself in the bathroom

A week after the break down he finally spoke again

"You want some pancakes Buddy?"

"Derek,"

His voice was rough and unused but it was still somewhat smooth, not as deep and gruff as Stiles imagined it, and it was sort of... sweet sounding...

"What?" Stiles breathed as he turned around

"My name.... is Derek,"

He took a deep, long breath, swallowing and smiling softly at him

"Hi Derek, I'm Stiles,"

Derek stared up at him, smiling just slightly

"Hi Stiles,"

 

**~+~**

 

Derek was still quiet, but he was no longer silent

He seemed content still to stay with Stiles and he helped him now with things here and there for his potions and medicines, just assistant-type things, but it was something anyway

Even if Derek didn't talk much, they still had conversations

Most of it was Stiles talking and Derek communicating with gestures of facial expressions but every now and then he would say something

Eventually Stiles learned that his last name was Hale and upon researching the name Stiles found out what had happened that turned Derek feral to begin with

His entire family burned to death in a fire a few years ago, save for himself and his sister, then six months ago Derek's sister was brutally murdered

It would have turned Stiles feral too

Hell, Stiles wondered if he wasn't already feral the moment he came out to this cabin....

 

**~+~**

 

Stiles loved Derek

The realization came ten weeks after bringing him in

It wasn't any type of big-bang-boom fireworks sort of love

It wasn't the explosive passion that made him want to pin Derek to a wall and have his way with him

It was the kind of love where his best moments where laying next to eachother, raking his fingers through Derek's hair

It was the kind of love where he bought extra blueberries because Derek liked his pancakes with extra blueberries even though Stiles preferred chocolate chip pancakes

It was the kind of love where he didn't feel lonely anymore, and he was content with this

Where he didn't need other people and he meant it sincerely

The kind of love that he found himself smiling about, that he spent hours searching for a gift for Derek for Christmas even though Christmas really didn't... happen... here

The kind of love that made Stiles think about a future, WANT a future

Think about a dog and a fence and some kids

The kind of love that made him WANT it, not just in a "Someday maybe" sort of way, but in a real, deep, wanting kind of way

He didn't push

But one day he kissed Derek on the forehead and Derek kissed him on the cheek and well...

He called them lovers, because that's what it felt like to him

 

**~+~**

 

Twelve and a half weeks after meeting, Derek was gone

Stiles woke up and for the first time in twelve and a half weeks Derek wasn't beside him

He checked the house

He checked every single room

There was no trace, no evidence that he had been there at all

He checked the yard, he checked the woods

And still nothing

Stiles could feel each crack form in his heart as he searched

Each shard start to break off

The air was freezing and he wrapped his sweater tighter around him but he didn't go inside

For two hours he searched

He screamed

He called out the name "Derek" until it was the only word his voice could say

He felt the tears prick at his eyes and welcomed the warmth as they rolled down his cheeks

Because he was alone

Aigian

All alone

Again

He didn't want to be alone anymore

He didn't want to be without Derek anymore....

The sky was grey

The clouds were out

And his heart was stormy

"Never love a wild thing," they say

"For one day, it will become strong enough to run away,"

By the time he went inside he was shaking so hard that he could hear the boards beneath his feet beginning to quake

He trudged upstairs, intending to take a scalding hot shower to make the shaking stop

And when he entered his bedroom, he found himself having to clutch onto the door frame to stop from falling flat

There was Derek, standing across from him and holding a box of chocolate

They were silent for only a moment, before Derek took a breath

"Merry Christmas," he said softly

The tears started up again and Stiles collapsed to the ground, the fear and anxiety and the mourning and the HURT just hit him all at once and he didn't even register it at first when Derek put his arms around him, dragged him into his lap, and hugged him close

He sniffed, he inhaled, he coughed, he pulled at Derek's hair and clung on so tightly... so tightly that he was going to make sure Derek knew he was never letting go

Just as tightly as Derek was holding onto him

"Yeah," he finally gasped, sniffing and closing his eyes

"Merry Christmas,"

**Author's Note:**

> The line about never loving a wild thing is actually from here http://fyeahdydia.tumblr.com/post/133414021141/tinderbox210-derek-hale-rarepair-week-day-1
> 
> As soon as I read it yesterday this is what came to mind, the last scene, with Stiles having taken care of Derek for months and waking up one morning in December to find him gone, running around, looking for him for hours, and coming home and breaking down in relieved tears because he had just gone out to get Stiles a Christmas gift- chocolate, because he still really isn't really good enough with society and words and things to do much else, and telling him- after months of not talking- Merry Christmas, I thought about those being his first words but then I really wanted him to introduce himself as Derek so....
> 
> This was going to be one of those fics that I think about then write down and leave in WIP purgatory for the foreseable future but then I had to go and listen to Florence + The Machine's Long & Lost and that plan went out the window, looking at my AO3 gallery I notice just how many of the fics I've posted are related to Florence + The Machine and... welp.... that was unintentional.. (you should've seen me when Lungs was first released and I think I IchiRuki'd every song on the album atleast once but probably more like three times a peice)
> 
> Anyway back to the point, because I rarely put more notes down here, I felt I should this time because this fic is really wispy and vague and weird and almost more like poetry than prose in the thinness of the plot and the lack of clarity and to be honest I actually write alot of my original fiction that way but I don't really do that in fanfics, so hopefully you liked it but if not I'm sorry, I actually played with the idea of not even making this a fic and just shaping the idea a little into one of my original works but I couldn't get the last scene with Stiles out of my head so... if you're wondering why Stiles is alone, it's 10000% supposed to be up to the reader, because I didn't want to take anything away from the flow of it by making a big deal out of WHY Stiles is alone because my personal headcanon for it might ruin someone else's time reading the fic, usually when it comes to things like this I prefer as a reader to imagine that Stiles just never had Scott or Lydia or anyone to begin with and was always alone- although I know I left a few little Easter eggs in there about something happening to the people he once had so... if you want my headcanon on it read on, if not thank you for reading!
> 
> The idea I had in mind when writing, wich is an idea I actually hate and would never want to read or write about, is that everything in canon is true up until Scott gets bitten, but the timeline is a little wacked out so Laura and Derek are still in New York and thus Scott is all alone werewolf wise to deal with the transition, and after roughly the first two seasons time span of running and fighting one of the Argents takes him, Stiles and Allison try to get him back but they'd delivered him to the Caleveras for some reason and he's disappeared, Stiles and Allison try to deal with season three on their own but Allison still dies and anyone else Stiles had either is taken or killed by hunters- as Victoria and Kate never died and Chris never changed his mind about the code until after Allison's death- and Stiles and Sheriff had a very massive falling out over the supernatural stuff to the point that Stiles felt like he was being kicked out and got up one night when he was eighteen and left, Deaton left Beacon Hills after Laura died- also from hunters, Peter never got out of Eichen House- to deal with the fact that hunters had taken over Beacon Hills, Stiles kept trying to look for Scott until he moved but by the time he left he as so broken and Scott had been gone for so long that he couldn't hold on anymore and accepted the fact that Scott was more than likely gone, although every couple of months he still goes on the internet and runs his picture and information through the databases just... just in case he was arrested or admitted to a hospital somewhere... just in case... he doesn't live in Beacon Hills anymore though, he lives just outside of it, he tries to keep tabs on his dad through the deputies but can't stand to face him again in person, still believing that he's unwelcome, and the sheriff has no idea where he is or any means to contact him
> 
> It is ALSO my headcanon that after this fic, about two months later, Derek is really doing better and is pretty much back to normal and becomes Stiles' assistant, they're doing ok on their own when one day in the middle of winter Scott- so much older and more worn than before- manages to find Stiles and nocks on his door, they decide then and there that the hunters must be stopped and go on a mission to do so where they eventually meet everyone else (for the first time or again) and get revenge on the hunters


End file.
